I'll start with an update and then move on to some things I've been thinking about lately.
We finished our dossier a little over 2 weeks ago and it should be on its way to Russia soon if it isn't already. We didn't quite finish up as quickly as we had hoped. Because of the volume of documents, we needed to leave them at the Sec of States office and then picked them up the next week. All was well and our adoption coordinator had no changes after her review. This was really great news and if all goes well it sounds like we could get our travel dates some time in March with a trip in April???. I am over the moon happy about this and hope the timing works out because April is shaping up to be really busy. So far we have a 10K the first weekend, Nick's birthday party the second weekend and his actual birthday the third weekend. It should be interesting to see what happens!
In other news, there are two things that have been consuming my thoughts lately. The first is that I am having a really hard time figuring out how to talk about the pending addition of a brother or sister with Nick. I think the main reason I'm having a hard time with it is that there is so much uncertainty about timing that I'm worried about setting up expectations with him that could end up taking longer than we think. I feel like until we meet our future son or daughter, it is less "real" and still a dream. Nick can get really focused on upcoming events and I suppose my reluctance is for both ours and his sanity. If anyone has any thoughts or advice on this I would love to hear it.
On the second topic, let me open by saying I really hope this doesn't offend anyone. I'm just venting and getting things off my chest. The second thing that I have been thinking about (too much) is my age. A little background may help give context to my issue. My mom was 39 when she had me, which at the time (back in the day), was fairly unusual. But, I was the last of 5 kids with a spread of 18 years between myself and my oldest sibling. For whatever reason I was very aware that my parents were not really friends with my friends parents and it bothered me (I don't know why, small town...). In retrospect this was not too surprising, they were 10 - 15 years older than many of them and were in a different place in their lives I suppose. I chalked up the fact that my parents weren't in the "cool" parents group, to their ages. Growing up I always thought to myself that I would never be the "old" mom.
Fast forward to my early 30's and beyond and I realized those things you tell yourself when your a kid are not so easy to control. Marriage in my 30's, unexplained infertility, and decisions about adoption ate up those precious years and here I am, in my (almost mid) 40's adopting a young child. So, aside from the normal adoption worries and concerns, I'm worried about fitting in with the other parents. I know this probably seems silly and superficial to many of you. I can appreciate that at some level it is superficial, that I should concentrate on what really matters and be happy that I even have this opportunity. Being a parent and growing our family far outweigh whether I am in the "in crowd" with the moms. But, this doesn't stop me from thinking about it.
On that note, I will say bye for now.
10 years ago
3 comments:
We didn't mention pending a brother and sister until after trip 1, and even then, it was just general, "Would you like a new brother an sister?". We stepped it up a bit once we got a court date, but only slightly, maybe asking him more often, pointing out other kids' brothers or sisters.
After court, we told him he was going to have a new brother ans sister, showed him photos, told him their names, etc. While on trip 3, his grandparents (who were staying with him while we were gone) took him in the twins' room, talked to him about it everyday, etc. Between court and the twins being home was three weeks, plenty of time for him to get used to the idea and get excited, but not too long that it lost its effectiveness.
Good luck with how you decide to introduce it!
Hi,
I checked your blog out through the O'Neals site. Its interesting that I'm feeling the same. I'm almost 42. Been home almost 3 years with our little one. I really would like to do it again, but feel that I don't have the energy. Our little lady is so ACTIVE that I just don't know if I could keep up with another. Having said that, not opening up my home to another child feels like a crime. This adoption stuff opens up lots of feelings that others just don't understand. Good Luck and I look forward to following your journey. Lee
I am so happy for you all, nick must be excited to have a little brother or sister. About the age issue...I know when my two were little I saw many age groups for the parents. I was the youngest because I had mine so early. But from looking at the group I saw mostly people in their 40's and even one couple who were in their early 60's.( the child was 10ish) I dont think age will be an issue but the energy level could be. Just remember your children will love you no matter what age you are. As far as the other parents....I wouldnt care what they thought,they dont know what you went through to get these angels!
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